


Prank War Night

by anonymouse_fiction



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Slapstick, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymouse_fiction/pseuds/anonymouse_fiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unfortunate mistake on Ranmaru's part triggers a prank war among the members of Quartet Night. Throw in a saboteur to egg them on, and you're in for quite a ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prank War Night

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I won't deny it: this is pure, unadulterated crack. I was in a bad mood and decided to listen to the Benny Hill Theme on loop... this is the result. I hope the members of Quartet Night can forgive me...

~Even honest mistakes can have heinous consequences.~

       This was not good. Ranmaru looked at the bottle of shampoo he’d gotten while out on a supply run for Quartet night, and quickly realized that he’d gotten the wrong one. And everyone knows just how picky Camus is. Not feeling like going all the way back into town just to get the right kind, Ranmaru snuck into his bathroom to get the near-empty bottle in the shower. Glancing between them, he noticed a few differences, but shrugged it off. He carefully peeled off the labels on each bottle and swapped them around, being sure to dispose of the ‘old bottle’. He went back into the shower and put the bottle back on the shelf and walked away. Returning to the kitchen, he began to put the rest of Camus’ supplies away before delivering the rest to their respective owners.

‘I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? What could volumizing shampoo possibly do? Don’t they exaggerate that stuff to begin with?’ he thought as he finished putting everything away and left.

Little did Ranmaru know; he’d just begun one of the most epic prank wars in Saotome Academy’s history.

\-----

“Good morning, Myu-cha-PFFF!!” Was all Reiji was able to get out the morning after Ranmaru’s little mistake. Camus cocked his head at the sudden outburst of laughter, thoroughly confused.

“Mikaze? How much coffee has Kotobuki had this morning?” Camus asked warily, shying away a bit from the man who was currently in giggle-fits. Ai looked up from his book and shrugged.

“I’m not one to monitor other’s caffeine intakes.”

“I suppose you have a-oh, for goodness sake-GET A GRIP, KOTOBUKI!” Reiji looked up at Camus’ sudden shout, but couldn’t suppress his snickers.

“I w-would if your hair didn’t look like that!” Reiji managed to get out before breaking down again.

“I agree with Reiji. Your hair is quite a sight.” Ai said, an amused smirk on his lips.

“What on earth are you two talking about? I look perfectly fine.” Camus asked just as Ranmaru came into the training room. Upon seeing Camus’ hair, he began to sweat bullets, trying his hardest to not laugh. Unfortunately, Camus heard his failed attempts to stifle his snickers and turned to him.

“Hmm? Ah, Kurosaki. Perhaps you can explain to me just what is so amusing about my hair?” Camus asked, giving an annoyed half-glance in Reiji’s direction.

“Well, um… it’s a little… _frizzled_.” Ranmaru managed to get out, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

“Alright Kotobuki, that’s quite enough. I understand that humidity can make my hair a bit unruly, but is that any way to be acting over a few out-of-place curls?” Camus asked with a scoff, before catching sight of his reflection in a windowpane.

       Camus rushed over to the pane to get a better look at the damage, before letting out a scream of horror. His hair was an absolute curly mess. If anything, he resembled a very fluffy poodle at this moment in time. He frantically began running his fingers through his hair, desperately trying to get the frizzy mess to calm down. Unfortunately, this only caused Reiji to laugh harder, and Ranmaru to finally bust out laughing as well. Ai simply shook his head with an amused chuckle.

“N-no _wonder_ Aijima offered me coconut oil this morning when he saw me in the hall! But how?! I’m certain that my shampoo prevents such things from ha-” Camus paused before he looked over his shoulder at Ranmaru with an icy glare.

“Kurosaki…” Ranmaru stopped laughing long enough to answer him.

“Yeah?”

“You’re responsible for this, aren’t you?” Camus said threateningly while pointing to his hair.

“Nope, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” Ranmaru said with a sly chuckle. Unfortunately, his smirk gave him away. Camus marched over to him and looked him square in the eye.

“Sir, I hope you realize this means _war_.” Ranmaru couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up.

“Riiiight… yeah, get back to me when you figure out what a prank is, Camus.” He said nonchalantly as he walked away, waving over his shoulder.

“Wh-what?! Where do you think you’re going, Kurosaki?! We have a DUEL to settle!!”

“I’m going to teach my students. Oh, and by the way… what’s one plus two?” he asked as he reached in his pocket. Camus gave him an utterly confused look for asking such an odd question.

“Three?”

_Click_

“Thanks for the shot, Camus! I’m sure Ren and Masato are gonna get a kick out of this.” Ranmaru said while glancing at his phone’s screen.

       Camus made a move to try and catch him, but Ranmaru was out of the room before he got three steps towards the door. Camus didn’t even bother chasing him. Instead, he stalked over to the desk in the room, pulled out a notebook, and began to write. Reiji, having finally calmed down, glanced over Camus’ shoulder and busted out laughing again. Ai cocked an eyebrow and walked over to see what was so funny. Looking over, he couldn’t stop the smirk that crept onto his face.

“Camus, I will be thoroughly impressed if you pull that off without getting caught.”

“Oh, it will happen. He will RUE the day he mocked me and then refused a duel.” Ai cocked his head.

“Don’t you think that’s a little much, though? I mean, it was more than likely a mistake on his part…”

“Do I look like I care at this point in time?” he muttered darkly. Ai frowned at the cold words and returned to his seat, picking up his book. Reiji sighed, laughter finally dying down.

“Oh, this is gonna be fun!” Reiji said with a smirk. Ai simply turned the page.

\-----

“And that’s how I got that shot.” Ranmaru said as Ren continued to laugh at the picture on his phone. Masato had chuckled a bit, but felt bad for the noble.

“Ranmaru, with all due respect, aren’t you worried you may have ‘poked a bear with a sharp stick’?” Masato asked, smacking Ren lightly in warning to calm himself.

“Masato has a point. Camus isn’t my favorite person in the world, but I can’t deny that he’s sneaky.” Ren said, shooting Masato a glare for smacking him. Ranmaru laughed.

“Nah. There’s no way he’d be able to pull one over on me. Anyways, you guys wanna head back to our room and get something to eat?”

Ren and Masato agreed, and the trio set off to get some grub. As they stepped in, Masato glanced around warily while Ren chuckled at his wariness. Ranmaru smirked and headed over to the kitchen.

“What, Masato? Worried Camus’ll pop up out of nowhere and pie you in the face?” Masato looked over to Ranmaru and shook his head.

“No, something just feels… _off_.” Ranmaru sighed at Masato’s paranoia as he went over to the freezer and pulled out a pizza.

“Masato, you’re just imagining things. The door was locked when we got here, so there’s no way anyone got in!” Ranmaru said as he walked over to the oven.

“Besides, even if he did, the prank would be so obvious I’d catch it before it hit m-”

       Ranmaru didn’t get to finish that sentence. As he’d opened up the oven to check that there wasn’t anything in there, like a stray cookie sheet, a powder bomb had gone off in his face. He stood there, stunned, while he coughed due to the blue powder now choking the air surrounding the oven. Ren couldn’t keep from bursting out laughing while Masato yelped in surprise. Masato immediately grabbed the nearest towel lying around and dampened it, heading over to Ranmaru to clean him up. Ranmaru’s eyebrow twitched as his shoulders began to shake.

“Wh-what was that about not getting pranked by him?” Ren asked in-between laughs. Masato smacked Ren upside the head as he darted by.

“Now is NOT the time, Jinguji! Ranmaru, are you alright?” Masato asked, clearly worried.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m freakin’ FINE!” Ranmaru growled out as he snatched the towel from Masato and wiped his face off.  He went over to the fridge, grabbed the can of whipped cream, squirted quite a bit into his hand, and made for the door.

“Uh, should we just leave you here to plot? You’re kinda seething over there…” Ren said, practically watching the anger pour off his mentor as he strode past.

“Just leave. I don’t want you two getting mixed up in this. I’ll take care of this when I get back.” Ranmaru grouched as he stalked out of the room, closing the door with a slam. Ren and Masato exchanged worried glances.

“Why do I get the feeling things are about to get bad?” Masato asked worriedly. Ren smirked and shrugged.

“It can’t get that bad… but to be safe, should I notify the Prime Minister that World War 3 has officially begun?” Masato shot Ren another glare.

“C’mon. We’re going out for lunch, and you’re buying for being a snarky bastard.” Ren shrugged.

“Fair enough.”

\-----

“OI! CAMUS! I THOUGHT I’D FIND YOU HIDING HERE!!” Ranmaru shouted as he stormed into the meeting room.

“Eh?”

“EAT THIS, BASTARD!” Ranmaru shouted as he lunged at Camus, whip-creamed hand outstretched. Camus gasped and managed to grab his hand, just barely keeping it away from his face.

“You’ve got some damn nerve, rigging my oven to explode with blue powder!! WHAT IF THAT HAD HIT REN OR MASATO?! DIDJA THINK OF THAT?! HUH?!” Ranmaru shouted, positively livid.

“W-WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ARE YOU DAFT?!” Camus shouted back, having to hold him back with all his might.

“OH, PLAYING DUMB, HUH?! FINE!” Ranmaru pulled away, seeming to back off.

       Camus relaxed, but the second he did, the whipped cream was in his face and smeared into his hair. Ranmaru pulled his hand away, smirking in satisfaction, before he decided to go take a seat in his chair. When he sat down, though, he heard a whoopee cushion go off. He cocked his head and reached into the cushion, pulling out the aforementioned device. Camus smirked.

“ _That’s_ for making a monkey out of me earlier!” he said, wiping the whipped cream from his face. Ranmaru looked at him, thoroughly confused.

“This… was this it?” he asked. Camus nodded, arms crossed and grinning smugly.

“Uh… Camus? While I’m all for the classics, this is child’s play. Was this your master plan?” Camus grinned evilly.

“Perhaps…” Ranmaru’s expression became even more confused. He got up, looking around the chair for any other signs of tampering. Finding none, he just sighed and sat back down.

“Alright. I guess we can call things even. Now I’ve gotta figure out who rigged my oven to do that…” he said. He reached down and gripped the lever to pop out the footrest on the chair. But when he pulled it to open it, and airbag went off from underneath, effectively launching him backwards with an undignified yelp.

“Correction: _Now_ we’re even.” Camus said with a laugh as he went over to his personal mini-fridge to get a water bottle before he’d go get cleaned up.

       As he opened it, though, he was met with a pink powder bomb. Ranmaru righted himself with a little groan, and when he looked over to the source of the bang, he couldn’t help but point and laugh at him. Camus’ shoulders shook in cold rage before he lunged at Ranmaru, sending them both sprawling in a tangle. Ranmaru was able to throw Camus off him, but not before he’d managed to slather whipped cream that had landed on the floor all over Ranmaru’s face. Ranmaru made a dash for the pink powder all over the floor while Camus got another handful of whipped cream out of his hair. They chased each other around the room, just barely avoiding the other.

       As the pair made one final lunge for each other, they failed to notice they’d somehow managed to work their way across the room and had wound up in front of the door. Blame poor timing or luck in general, but just as the pair were lunging, Reiji stepped through the door. Getting trapped right in the middle, poor Reiji was struck and stumbled back, landing flat on his ass. On one side of his face was a bright pink handprint. On the other side, a glop of whipped cream. Ranmaru and Camus froze in place as they realized just what they’d done… but they quickly felt their rage turn on him. For from his bag had fallen a pair of plastic bags, one filled with blue powder, and the other with pink.

“So, you decided you’d get involved, huh Reiji?” Ranmaru said lowly, shoulders shaking in rage.

“I’m not quite sure why you thought it appropriate to involve yourself in our feud, Kotobuki, but it is _not_ appreciated…” Camus said icily.

“Eh? What are you guys talking about? I-what, THESE?! I’ve never seen them before! I swear!!” Reiji said nervously, holding his hands up in an attempt to pacify the infuriated duo.

“Shall we call a truce, Kurosaki?”

“Sure. ‘An enemy of an enemy is a friend’, and all that.” Reiji shuddered as the pair glared at him.

“N-now guys, c’mon! When have I ever played a prank on you?” Reiji asked. Both of them looked at each other with incredulous looks on their faces.

“U-uh, right, right, stupid question. B-but when have I ever butted in without… wait, I do that too… I DIDN’T DO THIS, I SWEAR!!” Reiji wailed, backing up as the pair approached him.

“Oh, we believe you, Reiji. Right, Camus?”

“Certainly. I’d just be careful of what you do for the next… Oh, shall we say… week or so?” Reiji shuddered as the pair got up and walked around him, seeming to be plotting just through glances at each other alone.

\-----

       The next morning, Reiji woke to find himself with an impromptu makeover. His lips were stained red with some bright shade of red lipstick, his nails were a brilliant scarlet, and he even had bright red bows in his hair. Shrieking at the sight of himself, he quickly rushed to the bathroom to fix his face. He’d have to talk to Syo later about getting some nail polish remover. When he came back out, he saw Otoya and Tokiya sitting up groggily in their beds, trying to figure out where the shriek had come from.

“Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just woke up to a horrible surprise.” Otoya cocked his head at Reiji.

“Somethin’ to do with the prank war you’re in?” Otoya asked sleepily as Tokiya just flopped back in his bed, deeming it too early to be dealing with this shit.

“Yeah, I think this has something to do with yesterday. I didn’t think Ranmaru and Camus would go to such lengths, though…” Reiji said, utterly amazed by how efficient they’d been. Otoya shrugged.

“Well, if they wanna play sneaky, get ‘em back all sneaky...” Otoya said as a yawn cut him off. Reiji chuckled and patted Otoya’s head.

“You and Tokiya take the day off today, okay? I have to teach a couple of amateurs their place in the pranking world.” Otoya, not fully grasping the meaning behind his words, just shrugged.

“M’kay…” he muttered as he settled back into his bed.

‘Huh, I need a few things… I could have sworn I had more flour than this. Ah well. I wonder if the convenience store is open?’ Reiji thought, an evil smile working its way onto his face.

  
\-----

“Heh, I wonder what his reaction was!” Ranmaru said with a laugh as he and Camus headed towards the meeting room.

“More than likely something along the lines of a thoroughly embarrassed chicken.” Camus said with a chuckle. Ranmaru laughed even harder at the image that popped into his head.

“Well, we know that we got him back pretty good.”

“I’m just glad all this is over, the mental strain is the worst part of all this.”

“Right?”

       Unfortunately, Camus and Ranmaru had been very, very wrong. The second Ranmaru opened the door to enter the room; both were doused with a bucket of water and then coated with flour. Camus yelped and began trying to get the goopy mixture out of his eyes while Ranmaru gave a shout of surprise and stumbled forward. His stumble caused him to hit a tripwire, and the second tension was applied, silly string in a rainbow of colors sprayed out across the pair. Now coated in sticky, multicolor foam, they thought it was over. But as Ranmaru took another step to right his stumble, he managed to step right into an oil slick. The slippery surface sent him skittering right into a pile of feathers.

       While all this was going on, Camus finally managed to get the goop and foam out of his eyes. Looking up, he saw Ranmaru emerge from the feather pile, absolutely coated in white feathers that were rapidly changing color due to the silly string. Camus couldn’t help but laugh at that sight, and as he stepped forward to go help him, he stepped on a pressure plate. He stopped laughing immediately, because the second he’d stepped on it, a pie came from seemingly nowhere and struck him right in the face. Now Ranmaru was the one laughing. Camus stumbled back, only to succeed landing flat on his ass. Just as Ranmaru was about to ask what just happened, a laugh sounded from the wardrobe in the room.

“HA! You two fell for _everything_ I set up! I can’t believe my luck!” Reiji said as he stepped out of the wardrobe, trying his hardest not to howl with laughter. Ranmaru and Camus groaned, knowing that they’d been completely beat.

“I should have known this was you the second silly string got involved.” Ranmaru grumbled as he got up, trying to dust the feathers off himself. Camus sighed as he wiped the remaining pie from his face.

“And I’ll have you know this was a perfectly good waste of a French Silk pie.” Camus muttered, getting up after looking around for any other potential traps. Reiji just sighed.

“I suppose. But it was soooo _worth it_ seeing you two get demolished.” Reiji said with a chuckle. Ranmaru and Camus both sighed in defeat.

“Alright, alright. I get it. We won’t underestimate you anymore.” Ranmaru said tiredly, with Camus nodding in agreement.

“I offer my apologies.” Camus muttered, crossing his arms grumpily. Reiji smiled and walked over to the pair, giving them both a clap on the shoulder while ignoring the squish that came from doing so.

“Good. Not quite the apology I was wanting, but whatever. I’m not too picky! Now, let’s get you two cleaned up.” he said happily. Ranmaru and Camus both nodded in agreement.

       The trio headed over to the mini-fridge to get some water bottles, only to have a very familiar prank befall all three of them. The second Reiji opened the fridge; a green powder bomb went off, coating them all. Ranmaru and Camus both began to tremble in rage, heads whipping around to glare at the man in-between them. Reiji gulped, looking back and forth between the two.

“Y-you guys really don’t think _I_ did this, do you?” Reiji asked fearfully. Both nodded, a murderous glint in their eyes.

“Now c-come on! WHY would I prank myself?!”

“For authenticity’s sake?”

“To lure us into a false sense of security so you can continue your maddening games?”

“G-guys, come on. Let’s think about thi-AAAGH!!”

       Reiji didn’t get a chance to finish the plea that was falling on deaf ears. Ranmaru and Camus lunged for him, only to miss him by a hair. They took off after him, rushing past Ai in their pursuit. Ai cocked his head as he continued on his way, only to come to the room and find it utterly trashed. Eyebrow twitching, he pulled out his cell to tell Natsuki and Syo that class was canceled for the day, and to pass that message along to the other members of STARISH. Shutting the phone, he went to find Ringo-sensei and Ryuya-sensei, knowing fully he’d need the help. 

\-----

‘Heh, I suppose Reiji was right. This _was_ fun… I will admit that it’s amazing what a little powder and some food coloring can accomplish. Now all that’s left is to collect the cameras I hid.’ Ai thought as he watched the trio be scolded by Ringo-sensei and Ryuya-sensei for causing damage to school grounds and potentially harming themselves or other students.

            A short while later, though, Camus, Ranmaru, and Reiji learned who true antagonist was the second they checked their email. Attached, they found a video compilation of their antics set to silly music, along with a short message.

_To whom it concerns:_

_If you make a mistake, own up to it. The next time I make a suggestion, don’t be rude._ _Don’t leave you prank supplies unattended._

_Ai_

‘Well played Ai. Well played.’ They all thought with their respective nicknames for him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Except Camus. He can get knocked off his literal high horse for all I care.


End file.
